If the B & B is a Rockin'......

Headed to Austin today, but couldn't resist this little story before I left. Enjoy. 

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to stay with two of my girlfriends at a bed and breakfast somewhere on the Eastern seaboard.  It shall remain nameless and exact locationless. It was quaint, charming, comfortable, adorable, lovely, tastefully decorated-all the things bed and breakfasts are supposed to be.

But we didn't get any sleep.

Why you ask?

Well, as a subtle bumper sticker once told me, "If the van's a rockin', don't come a knockin." I was approximately 9 when I saw this and just so happened to be in the car with dear old Dad. Being 9, in 1989, I was fairly innocent and unaware of the goings-on of adults. Today, there are plenty of 9 year olds that know way more than me on certain subjects, but I will save that for an unfunny post on moral decay in our society. Just sit tight for that one.
Anyway, that day, I piped up and asked dear old Dad what on earth does rockin' and knockin' mean? Following a palpably uncomfortable silence, I realized that for some reason, he really didn't want to answer my query, and that it likely had to do with something icky and mortifying. Something I did NOT want to hear or discuss while being stuck in the car with him. He mumbled something about people being crass and inappropriate (or something to that effect) and then told me to ask him when I was older. Enough said, I was sure to NEVER ask him such a thing, then or at any other time. I digress. Let's get back to the B & B.

After a lovely evening, we fell into bed around 1 AM. Just in time for the romp above us to get into full swing. And by romp, I mean marathon. Now, I don't want to get too graphic, as it is just not in my nature to do so. And I also don't want to offend any of my six readers. But let me tell you, the soundtrack we heard above our heads would put any in the steamy romance (and by romance, I mean something else) movies to shame.  At nearly 30, I like to think I am still fairly innocent, and my sense of propriety refused to allow me to believe what I was hearing. Shortly thereafter though, there was no mistaking. We all sat there in amused horror, because it's like a train wreck-you really can't tear yourself from it. Assuming that this was just a one-time event and then we could all get some sleep, we waited it out. When silence came, we drifted off to sleep. Rudely awakened five minutes later by Round II, we were flabbergasted. By the end of Round III, cranky. Still later, Round V found us on the verge of angry and looking for a solution. In all of my angry brilliancy, I decided that the best option was to stomp up the stairs, stomp especially loud outside of their room, flick some lights on and off, and cough as if I had suddenly contracted tuberculosis.  Now mind you, we were the only other people besides them staying there that night. And they knew that at least I was there, because they saw me when I checked in.  When this did not work, I pounded on the ceiling of our room. This apparently caught their attention because there was a cease and desist.....for all of three minutes. Then, you guessed it, right back at it. Round VI. At one point, one of the girls finds a decrepit radio to play, something, anything, to drown out the exhibition going on above. Because by that point we were convinced that there was something else at work here: medication? clearly. an affair? possibly. people who like to show off? Oh yeah, most def. Now, I am not a hater, nor do I begrudge anyone their expressions of love. (keeping things family friendly here!) But come on now!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Have some consideration!!

Siiiiigh. Around 3 AM, an uncomfortable sleep overtook us. A sleep punctuated by other noises of the night-train whistles, each other, tree limbs creaking, you name it. Either way, we woke up feeling decidedly unrefreshed, a little shocked, and as always in this blog, amused. Oh, and slightly terrified of seeing them at breakfast.  But I had already determined that if they had the nerve to show their faces, I would not be above lobbing a few snarky comments in their direction. Thankfully, they apparently were still in bed. Well, I guess so. They were clearly up all night doing other things.

Can anybody relate to this? Been kept up all night in a hostel/hotel/b&b for this or another less amorous (and more G-rated!) reason?