Just a Freaking Kluster (The JFK Airport) Part 1.

I have returned from a fabulous vacation to Turkey, and it was wonderful and amazing, and glorious, and most importantly, wedding stress-FREE. But right now, what I really want to do is write about the complete inefficiency of John F. Kennedy International Airport and Delta airlines. Isn't that something? I just ventured to the only city that spans two continents, a magnificent blend of ancient and modern, and I want to sit here and rant about my return journey home. No worries, rant-free posts about the actual trip are in the works, but for now, the insanity of two nights ago is fresh on my mind. So I give you this.

It all started when our Delta Flight 73 was delayed 45 minutes due to a reason nobody could clearly define. "Technical issues" was all that was stated, the timeless offering of gate agents who have no idea. Our 12:15 departure was now scheduled for 1 PM. We did actually take off somewhat near this time, probably about 1:20. But with an 11 hour flight time, a  late arrival into New York would cut it extremely close for our 7 PM connection to DC.  In New York, we would still need to go through immigration, customs, and check back in for the next flight. However, there was nothing I could do about it, except sigh and sit back. Sure enough, due to plenty of turbulence and our late departure, we arrived in to JFK at 6 PM, and finally deboarded at 6:20. Suspicions confirmed. We would not be on our 7 PM flight to Dulles.

Clearing immigration and getting our bags actually took no time at all. This was the more pleasant part of the ensuing two hours. Once retrieving our things, we set out to find a Delta representative who could tell us what to do. This task proved to be fairly easy as well, considering that the line of passengers and their frustrations could be seen snaking around the ticketing area from afar. This monstrosity of a line was only exacerbated by the inconceivable reality that there was ONE gate agent dealing with rebooking half the passengers of a Boeing 747. ONE. My heart sank. Getting home that night was looking like a grim possibility and arriving at work on time the next day a lofty ideal. It was just the two of us, (the rest of the group went on to Greece-insert sad face here) and I had high hopes that it would be a breeze to rebook. Hopes were dashed after seeing that line, and dashed even further when after 10 minutes, we hadn't even moved. Even if there was a hope of getting on the next evening flight out, by the time we would actually get to front of the line, we might as well order breakfast. I took matters into my own hands and called Delta reservations while still in line. I was informed that we had already been rebooked on a 6 AM flight to DC......via Atlanta. Atlanta?? Um. No. I regretted to inform the agent that this would not be happening and that I would need a sooner flight, asap. All in my best sweet, yet desperately urgent tone of voice. She got the message and got us on an 8:30 landing at a different airport. Wonderful. It was 7:20. We would have just enough time. I hadn't reckoned on the evil labryinth of chaos and confusion though, also known as the JFK airport.

Away I Go

Armed with only the knowledge of the currency conversion (1.5 Lira to 1 US dollar) and the temperatures in Istanbul for the next 7 days (mid 60's and pleasantly sunny),  off I head into the wild blue yonder. I will admit that some momentary panic  was experienced last night as I contemplated that this was the extent of my knowledge of Turkey. Lonely Planet-less leaves me planless and that is one place that this girl does not like to be! This will be good for me though. Going to land where the wind takes me.  So! I've got my standard traveling shoes ("vintagey" Diesel, looking a little worse for wear), my passport, some lip gloss, a few US dollars, my ATM card and I am ready to rock. I have decided to throw complete caution to the wind and cram all of my necessities into one small carry-on, shunning the convenience of an actual suitcase or backpack. Livin' on the edge here folks. Hopefully I remember to actually bring it back with me.  We know from a previous and recent trip which shall remain nameless that this is a tall order. Back next week!

To Turkey Next Tuesday

I have barely given one thought to this trans-Atlantic jaunt next week. What with the bachelorette hooplah in Austin, the minutiae of nuptial planning plaguing almost all of my thoughts, the attempt to find a place to live  post-wedding, and last but definitely not least, the impending doom I feel coming upon me as I prepare to take the first of two major  exams meant to finally shed myself of the "substitute teacher" moniker. Oh, and then there is the pesky little matter of a certain volcano spewing ash hither and yon over important parts of Europe. Parts that I must fly through to get to Istanbul. So what do I decide to do at work today? Spend 45 minutes looking for non-existent peacock-themed cupcake liners. Try to find them, I dare you. When my wrist felt as if carpal-tunnel was setting in and the liners in quest were nowhere to be found, I gave up. 45 minutes of my life I will never get back.

I can safely say that perhaps scheduling a trip to Europe so close to my wedding and exams has not been one of my most brilliant ideas, but what's done is done. Besides, I occasionally like to live on the edge. At least I have my passport, which as of yesterday, at least one member of our little group still did not have. As in, it has not yet been issued by the U.S Department of State.  Now that is living dangerously.

And speaking of walking the wild side, brace yourselves. I have not purchased a Lonely Planet guidebook to Istanbul/Turkey (gasp!) to accompany me on this trip.  Those of you who know me, know that I rarely leave the U.S without said guide. You just never know when that thing will come in handy. For example, in a crowded Tanzanian bus station last November, in the midst of teeming throngs of over-zealous cab drivers,  fumes of a bajillion buses,  eager touts waiting to sell me something I didn't need, and a no-show ride, I was able to somewhat calmly pull my guide out and find the nearest spot to access the internet.  Of course, communicating this to someone proved to be another issue, but no matter, thanks to Lonely Planet, we had a PLAN!  I digress. You get the idea of my passionate feelings on LP. So now,  throwing caution and all responsibilities to the hopefully ash-free wind next Tuesday, I will depart for a quick trip to Turkey. I will, I hope, return with the following:
1. A wedding ring
2. Ideas for future lesson plans to inspire my minions of young minds
3. Shoes! I never need an excuse to purchase footwear, but certainly going to another country always qualifies.
4. A calm outlook on life that will last for at least the next 6 weeks. 

Speaking of calm-brace yourself for a rant completely off the topic of this blog.  This is fresh, which is why this tangent begins....now.  WHY do people lose all sense of politeness and decorum and ETIQUETTE when it comes to weddings??!! I have just arrived home after a very long day to find yet another rsvp card in which the person has graciously responded with a "plus one" where none was given. READ THE ENVELOPE!  There are budget and space issues. You didn't get a "plus one" for a very good reason. If you are not dating anyone and you are already going to know a bunch of people there, then just come and enjoy yourself-no date really necessary right? good grief.

Am I being unreasonable here?

If you have any thoughts on anything mentioned in this post, please weigh in. From ash, to weddings, to your own tales of stress and woe,  wedding or travel, let me hear from you. It may serve to calm me down just a tad. I am normally a very calm person. Some people even  go so far as to call me "stoic."  Not today though.

Oh, and if you should happen to know where I can find peacock cupcake liners, tell me and  make a girl happy.

The Three G's

Gluttony, my Girls, and the Glory (as in glorious weather and a glorious good time.) This bachelorette trip was all that was promised and hoped for.

We started out in Houston, being generally lazy for a few days, and then road-tripped up to the fair city of Austin. We weren't even in our destination five minutes before we found ourselves at the Mighty Cone. And dear me, was it Mighty. I just wish that there had been time to visit twice. Alas, I had to make do with once, indulging myself in the crunchy goodness of "deep-sauteed" avocado with a spicy sauce drizzled upon it. (Half-consumed at left).  Heavenly. We actually did make an attempt to go twice, but were thwarted by some blasted antique car festival that was making our progress towards the Mightiness pretty darn slow. It would have impeded our later dinner plans, and of course, since our trip was centered around eating at various spots, we had to make sure we stayed on schedule. Let's see if I can just give you a little run-down of what I have consumed over the past 5 days:
1. Crepes. I am not typically a fan of what I like to call "froo-froo" food, but these were excellent. All chocolatey and berry-ish.
2. A spicy Thai dish laden with vegetables and well, spiciness.
3. Copious amounts of chips, salsa, and guacamole.
4. The Mighty Cone

5. Cupcakes.  Worthy of my wedding if only I could find a way to get them from Austin to West Virginia and not have them wilt in the process.
6.  Two extremely delicious veggie tacos. Both were bursting with some things I have never had on tacos before. Was it moss? 3 leaf clovers? No idea, but it all got eaten.
7. Several chicken fajitas marinated in a Polynesian Plum sauce.
8. The most amazing onion rings ever. Onion rings are pretty standard wherever you go, but the standard has now been raised. I think the not-so-secret ingredient was simply..........black pepper. Imagine that.
9. One kind of gross pizza. But it sure hit the spot at 3 AM.

You all get the point. I said I was going to eat, and I meant it!

Now, aside from the eating, Austin was a delightful little spot in which to spend my waning days as a single woman. And I couldn't have picked a better group of girls to go with. We all had a blast, we all ate ourselves into near oblivion, and we enjoyed each others company every step of the way. They even dressed me up in a bridal tiara and sash and we pranced about town one evening. I glamorously showcased a huge fake but ultra-blingy diamond, (see pic at right) to prove to the world that I am engaged. (Although I broke it soon after. Fake diamond rings are apparently not very sturdy.) There was also a bridal (mechanical) bull ride which I can now cross off my list of things to do in life. I am proud to say that I lasted at least ten seconds before being unceremoniously chucked off. Then, after demands from the girls that I get back on, this time with the tiara atop my head, I was right back at it. Note to self: wear more appropriate bull-riding clothes if in this situation again. A cute little dress is fine for walkin', but not for bull ridin'.

We did a little walk up Mt. Bonnell, where of all things, there was a little wedding going on. Of course we crashed it (from afar) and arrived just in time to see them pronounced husband and wife. Awwww.
After this, a sunny drive to Town Lake where we stuck our feet in and chatted. Pulled feet out twenty minutes later to find leeches nestled right at home on legs and feet. Gross, and it incited near panic in at least one of us. Not me, proud to say.

And the night life? WHOA. I have never seen anything like it, not in any place I have lived or traveled. Period. 6th street (and the surrounding streets) has now earned the Travelin' Fool title for Most Happenin' Spot in the world.  Oh and apparently, you can appear in public wearing nothing but some skimpy underpants. There was a young lady doing just this on Friday afternoon while protesting something. We were so shocked, we protested by checking with a nearby policeman on whether this was legal. (yes, we are somewhat nerdy) He assured us it was, as long as the person was clothed in underwear. !!! So if you ever go, and you happen to forget your clothes, no worries. Just wear your underwear.

Keep Austin Weird!

(official Austin slogan, not my own creativity).
PS-the group pic above includes a stray bachelor--someone we know who was in the area at the time. he made a swift exit when all the real bachelorette fun began ;)

If the B & B is a Rockin'......

Headed to Austin today, but couldn't resist this little story before I left. Enjoy. 

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to stay with two of my girlfriends at a bed and breakfast somewhere on the Eastern seaboard.  It shall remain nameless and exact locationless. It was quaint, charming, comfortable, adorable, lovely, tastefully decorated-all the things bed and breakfasts are supposed to be.

But we didn't get any sleep.

Why you ask?

Well, as a subtle bumper sticker once told me, "If the van's a rockin', don't come a knockin." I was approximately 9 when I saw this and just so happened to be in the car with dear old Dad. Being 9, in 1989, I was fairly innocent and unaware of the goings-on of adults. Today, there are plenty of 9 year olds that know way more than me on certain subjects, but I will save that for an unfunny post on moral decay in our society. Just sit tight for that one.
Anyway, that day, I piped up and asked dear old Dad what on earth does rockin' and knockin' mean? Following a palpably uncomfortable silence, I realized that for some reason, he really didn't want to answer my query, and that it likely had to do with something icky and mortifying. Something I did NOT want to hear or discuss while being stuck in the car with him. He mumbled something about people being crass and inappropriate (or something to that effect) and then told me to ask him when I was older. Enough said, I was sure to NEVER ask him such a thing, then or at any other time. I digress. Let's get back to the B & B.

After a lovely evening, we fell into bed around 1 AM. Just in time for the romp above us to get into full swing. And by romp, I mean marathon. Now, I don't want to get too graphic, as it is just not in my nature to do so. And I also don't want to offend any of my six readers. But let me tell you, the soundtrack we heard above our heads would put any in the steamy romance (and by romance, I mean something else) movies to shame.  At nearly 30, I like to think I am still fairly innocent, and my sense of propriety refused to allow me to believe what I was hearing. Shortly thereafter though, there was no mistaking. We all sat there in amused horror, because it's like a train wreck-you really can't tear yourself from it. Assuming that this was just a one-time event and then we could all get some sleep, we waited it out. When silence came, we drifted off to sleep. Rudely awakened five minutes later by Round II, we were flabbergasted. By the end of Round III, cranky. Still later, Round V found us on the verge of angry and looking for a solution. In all of my angry brilliancy, I decided that the best option was to stomp up the stairs, stomp especially loud outside of their room, flick some lights on and off, and cough as if I had suddenly contracted tuberculosis.  Now mind you, we were the only other people besides them staying there that night. And they knew that at least I was there, because they saw me when I checked in.  When this did not work, I pounded on the ceiling of our room. This apparently caught their attention because there was a cease and desist.....for all of three minutes. Then, you guessed it, right back at it. Round VI. At one point, one of the girls finds a decrepit radio to play, something, anything, to drown out the exhibition going on above. Because by that point we were convinced that there was something else at work here: medication? clearly. an affair? possibly. people who like to show off? Oh yeah, most def. Now, I am not a hater, nor do I begrudge anyone their expressions of love. (keeping things family friendly here!) But come on now!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Have some consideration!!

Siiiiigh. Around 3 AM, an uncomfortable sleep overtook us. A sleep punctuated by other noises of the night-train whistles, each other, tree limbs creaking, you name it. Either way, we woke up feeling decidedly unrefreshed, a little shocked, and as always in this blog, amused. Oh, and slightly terrified of seeing them at breakfast.  But I had already determined that if they had the nerve to show their faces, I would not be above lobbing a few snarky comments in their direction. Thankfully, they apparently were still in bed. Well, I guess so. They were clearly up all night doing other things.

Can anybody relate to this? Been kept up all night in a hostel/hotel/b&b for this or another less amorous (and more G-rated!) reason?

A Bachelorette's Last Hurrah

Next week, I am headed to Austin, Texas to celebrate my waning weeks of near unbridled freedom. It has been nice these past 30 years. (For the record, I am NOT 30 just yet).  I suppose a few sacrifices shall need to be made here and there to ensure wedded bliss and that's ok-it's all part of give and take and.......love. Awwww. But anyway, the full extent of these sacrifices will not be taking place prior to next week and so off to Austin I GO!

I am pretty pumped for this trip. After all, two of my  BFF's who are also doubling as bridesmaids, have been talking about the home of their alma mater practically from the moment I met them. "Hook 'em horns" is an expression now permanently lodged in my soul. The promise of delectable Tex-Mex awaits. The chill vibe of the live music capital is waiting to be confirmed. Austin is beckoning.  Time to see if it's all it's cracked up to be.

As I am not in charge of this trip, I am unsure of our exact itinerary and agenda. I have a distinct suspicion though, that it will be pretty darn fabulous. And here is a little sad fact for you-I am going to be spending four days or so with six amazing friends. Yet, what is numero uno in my brain  right now? FOOD! If you know me at all, you are not surprised in the least by this. After all, I like to eat first and second lunch, followed by various snacks and an early dinner and then chocolate in any form.    But I must blame two of those amazing friends for this -they have filled my head with visions of Tex-Mex deliciousness for seven years now! Seven! Here are two places that have really impeded my levels of productivity this week-  www.chuys.com and www.mightycone.com.

Now, the cone place is not Tex-Mex, but I must say that I am completely intrigued by the menu and the fact that everything is apparently neatly ensconced within a cone.  Then I found out that it's located in a trailer on Congress, along with a bajillion other trailers laden with various cuisines and well, now I feel that aside from stuffing ourselves, we now may not get much else accomplished on this trip. Yup, that's how excited I get about good food. Forget the scandalous bachelorette games, the questionable knock on the door, and the scanty attire. Bring on the eats.

More upon my return.  And if anyone has any good recommendations for what to do, see, and of course eat :) in Austin, bring it on!

China, Oh China

So right now, not gonna lie, I am in a little writing slump. This is most unfortunate, considering that I have two other articles that must be written and I have struck nary a key for either of them. Writing on this blog makes me happy though, so I cast paying work aside to write here.  However, today I will be cheating and taking the easy way out. I found an old email that I wrote back in 2006 while I was traipsing about China and am going to reprint it here for you readers. It is a bit entertaining, if for no other reason than my glaring rewrite of Chinese history in the last paragraph.  Enjoy!

Dear everyone,
So far so good. the past two days have been more exhausting than the plane 
ride, i must say! we are in beijing, staying a few blocks from tianemen 
square. we have been "recuperating" from our journey here by doing any 
number of non-restful activities, such as traversing the Forbidden City 
(which should heretofore be known as "the city formerly known as forbidden" 
due to the teeming massess of tourists), and walking the circumference of 
beijing. apparently Beijing has a metropolitan area the size of Belgium.  no 
joke. i may be exaggerating about walking the circumference of it, but i am 
with two boys right now who do not believe in doing things the easy way. 
(TAXIS ARE OUR FRIENDS!) We randomly met up with this Spaniard named David ( 
a very cute Spaniard by the way) and we have been adventuring with him since 
we got here.  We will be joined tonight by his Venezuelan friend, who i 
suspect will also be dashing, and we are all going to climb the Great Wall 
tomorrow! Since the Great Wall is one of the main reasons I am here, I am 
quite excited.
    However, on tap for today is a bicycle ride.  Now, considering the 
teeming population of China, the congestion of city streets and my tendency 
to run over people flat on my bike (think: Rod, 8th grade homeschooling PE) 
this will likely prove to be a terrifying, albeit memorable escapade. For 
the Chinese people. :)
     China is definitely chock full of history and culture. The Forbidden 
City is where the last emperor of the Ming dynasty lived, right up until 
1922 and then Communism started creeping in, via Chairman Mao! Whose body I 
can see on display in Tianemen Square for a quick 2 seconds, should I so 
desire. They LOVE him here. And my mastery of Cantonese? Forget it. I just 
got hello down yesterday.  And food? We went to a market last night where 
they were selling any number of delicacies on a stick-octopus, TINY SPARROW 
BODIES (!) whole baby snakes, cicadas, SCORPIONS, grasshoppers, etc. It was 
not for the faint of heart, to be sure. I am ashamed to say that I headed 
straigtway for McDonalds.
Anyway, more after the Great Wall! Write me!
 
Claire